wohnzimmer sessel lounge

chapter 8 the aunt and the sluggard now that it's all over, i may as well admitthat there was a time during the rather funny affair of rockmetteller todd when ithought that jeeves was going to let me down. the man had the appearance of beingbaffled. jeeves is my man, you know. officially he pulls in his weekly wages forpressing my clothes and all that sort of thing; but actually he's more like what thepoet johnnie called some bird of his acquaintance who was apt to rally round him

in times of need--a guide, don't you know;philosopher, if i remember rightly, and--i rather fancy--friend.i rely on him at every turn. so naturally, when rocky todd told me abouthis aunt, i didn't hesitate. jeeves was in on the thing from the start.the affair of rocky todd broke loose early one morning of spring. i was in bed, restoring the good oldtissues with about nine hours of the dreamless, when the door flew open andsomebody prodded me in the lower ribs and began to shake the bedclothes. after blinking a bit and generally pullingmyself together, i located rocky, and my

first impression was that it was somehorrid dream. rocky, you see, lived down on long islandsomewhere, miles away from new york; and not only that, but he had told me himselfmore than once that he never got up before twelve, and seldom earlier than one. constitutionally the laziest young devil inamerica, he had hit on a walk in life which enabled him to go the limit in thatdirection. he was a poet. at least, he wrote poems when he didanything; but most of his time, as far as i could make out, he spent in a sort oftrance.

he told me once that he could sit on afence, watching a worm and wondering what on earth it was up to, for hours at astretch. he had his scheme of life worked out to afine point. about once a month he would take three dayswriting a few poems; the other three hundred and twenty-nine days of the year herested. i didn't know there was enough money inpoetry to support a chappie, even in the way in which rocky lived; but it seemsthat, if you stick to exhortations to young men to lead the strenuous life and don't shove in any rhymes, american editors fightfor the stuff.

rocky showed me one of his things once.it began: be!be! the past is dead.to-morrow is not born. be to-day! to-day!be with every nerve, with every muscle,with every drop of your red blood! be! it was printed opposite the frontispiece ofa magazine with a sort of scroll round it, and a picture in the middle of a fairly-nude chappie, with bulging muscles, giving

the rising sun the glad eye. rocky said they gave him a hundred dollarsfor it, and he stayed in bed till four in the afternoon for over a month. as regarded the future he was pretty solid,owing to the fact that he had a moneyed aunt tucked away somewhere in illinois;and, as he had been named rockmetteller after her, and was her only nephew, hisposition was pretty sound. he told me that when he did come into themoney he meant to do no work at all, except perhaps an occasional poem recommending theyoung man with life opening out before him, with all its splendid possibilities, to

light a pipe and shove his feet upon themantelpiece. and this was the man who was prodding me inthe ribs in the grey dawn! "read this, bertie!" i could just see that he was waving aletter or something equally foul in my face."wake up and read this!" i can't read before i've had my morning teaand a cigarette. i groped for the bell.jeeves came in looking as fresh as a dewy violet. it's a mystery to me how he does it."tea, jeeves."

"very good, sir." he flowed silently out of the room--healways gives you the impression of being some liquid substance when he moves; and ifound that rocky was surging round with his beastly letter again. "what is it?"i said. "what on earth's the matter?""read it!" "i can't. i haven't had my tea.""well, listen then." "who's it from?""my aunt."

at this point i fell asleep again. i woke to hear him saying:"so what on earth am i to do?" jeeves trickled in with the tray, like somesilent stream meandering over its mossy bed; and i saw daylight. "read it again, rocky, old top," i said."i want jeeves to hear it. mr. todd's aunt has written him a ratherrummy letter, jeeves, and we want your advice." "very good, sir."he stood in the middle of the room, registering devotion to the cause, androcky started again:

"my dear rockmetteller.--i have beenthinking things over for a long while, and i have come to the conclusion that i havebeen very thoughtless to wait so long before doing what i have made up my mind todo now." "what do you make of that, jeeves?" "it seems a little obscure at present, sir,but no doubt it becomes cleared at a later point in the communication.""it becomes as clear as mud!" said rocky. "proceed, old scout," i said, champing mybread and butter. "you know how all my life i have longed tovisit new york and see for myself the wonderful gay life of which i have read somuch.

i fear that now it will be impossible forme to fulfil my dream. i am old and worn out.i seem to have no strength left in me." "sad, jeeves, what?" "extremely, sir.""sad nothing!" said rocky. "it's sheer laziness.i went to see her last christmas and she was bursting with health. her doctor told me himself that there wasnothing wrong with her whatever. but she will insist that she's a hopelessinvalid, so he has to agree with her. she's got a fixed idea that the trip to newyork would kill her; so, though it's been

her ambition all her life to come here, shestays where she is." "rather like the chappie whose heart was'in the highlands a-chasing of the deer,' jeeves?""the cases are in some respects parallel, sir." "carry on, rocky, dear boy.""so i have decided that, if i cannot enjoy all the marvels of the city myself, i canat least enjoy them through you. i suddenly thought of this yesterday afterreading a beautiful poem in the sunday paper about a young man who had longed allhis life for a certain thing and won it in the end only when he was too old to enjoyit.

it was very sad, and it touched me." "a thing," interpolated rocky bitterly,"that i've not been able to do in ten years." "as you know, you will have my money when iam gone; but until now i have never been able to see my way to giving you anallowance. i have now decided to do so--on onecondition. i have written to a firm of lawyers in newyork, giving them instructions to pay you quite a substantial sum each month. my one condition is that you live in newyork and enjoy yourself as i have always

wished to do. i want you to be my representative, tospend this money for me as i should do myself.i want you to plunge into the gay, prismatic life of new york. i want you to be the life and soul ofbrilliant supper parties. "above all, i want you--indeed, i insist onthis--to write me letters at least once a week giving me a full description of allyou are doing and all that is going on in the city, so that i may enjoy at second- hand what my wretched health prevents myenjoying for myself.

remember that i shall expect full details,and that no detail is too trivial to interest.--your affectionate aunt, "isabel rockmetteller.""what about it?" said rocky. "what about it?"i said. "yes. what on earth am i going to do?" it was only then that i really got on tothe extremely rummy attitude of the chappie, in view of the fact that a quiteunexpected mess of the right stuff had suddenly descended on him from a blue sky.

to my mind it was an occasion for thebeaming smile and the joyous whoop; yet here the man was, looking and talking as iffate had swung on his solar plexus. it amazed me. "aren't you bucked?"i said. "bucked!""if i were in your place i should be frightfully braced. i consider this pretty soft for you."he gave a kind of yelp, stared at me for a moment, and then began to talk of new yorkin a way that reminded me of jimmy mundy, the reformer chappie.

jimmy had just come to new york on a hit-the-trail campaign, and i had popped in at the garden a couple of days before, forhalf an hour or so, to hear him. he had certainly told new york some prettystraight things about itself, having apparently taken a dislike to the place,but, by jove, you know, dear old rocky made him look like a publicity agent for the oldmetrop.! "pretty soft!" he cried."to have to come and live in new york! to have to leave my little cottage and takea stuffy, smelly, over-heated hole of an apartment in this heaven-forsaken,festering gehenna. to have to mix night after night with a mobwho think that life is a sort of st.

vitus's dance, and imagine that they'rehaving a good time because they're making enough noise for six and drinking too muchfor ten. i loathe new york, bertie.i wouldn't come near the place if i hadn't got to see editors occasionally. there's a blight on it.it's got moral delirium tremens. it's the limit.the very thought of staying more than a day in it makes me sick. and you call this thing pretty soft forme!" i felt rather like lot's friends must havedone when they dropped in for a quiet chat

and their genial host began to criticisethe cities of the plain. i had no idea old rocky could be soeloquent. "it would kill me to have to live in newyork," he went on. "to have to share the air with six millionpeople! to have to wear stiff collars and decentclothes all the time! to----" he started. "good lord!i suppose i should have to dress for dinner in the evenings.what a ghastly notion!" i was shocked, absolutely shocked.

"my dear chap!"i said reproachfully. "do you dress for dinner every night,bertie?" "jeeves," i said coldly. the man was still standing like a statue bythe door. "how many suits of evening clothes have i?""we have three suits full of evening dress, sir; two dinner jackets----" "three.""for practical purposes two only, sir. if you remember we cannot wear the third.we have also seven white waistcoats." "and shirts?"

"four dozen, sir.""and white ties?" "the first two shallow shelves in the chestof drawers are completely filled with our white ties, sir." i turned to rocky."you see?" the chappie writhed like an electric fan."i won't do it! i can't do it! i'll be hanged if i'll do it!how on earth can i dress up like that? do you realize that most days i don't getout of my pyjamas till five in the afternoon, and then i just put on an oldsweater?"

i saw jeeves wince, poor chap! this sort of revelation shocked his finestfeelings. "then, what are you going to do about it?"i said. "that's what i want to know." "you might write and explain to your aunt.""i might--if i wanted her to get round to her lawyer's in two rapid leaps and cut meout of her will." i saw his point. "what do you suggest, jeeves?"i said. jeeves cleared his throat respectfully.

"the crux of the matter would appear to be,sir, that mr. todd is obliged by the conditions under which the money isdelivered into his possession to write miss rockmetteller long and detailed letters relating to his movements, and the onlymethod by which this can be accomplished, if mr. todd adheres to his expressedintention of remaining in the country, is for mr. todd to induce some second party to gather the actual experiences which missrockmetteller wishes reported to her, and to convey these to him in the shape of acareful report, on which it would be possible for him, with the aid of his

imagination, to base the suggestedcorrespondence." having got which off the old diaphragm,jeeves was silent. rocky looked at me in a helpless sort ofway. he hasn't been brought up on jeeves as ihave, and he isn't on to his curves. "could he put it a little clearer, bertie?"he said. "i thought at the start it was going tomake sense, but it kind of flickered. what's the idea?" "my dear old man, perfectly simple.i knew we could stand on jeeves. all you've got to do is to get somebody togo round the town for you and take a few

notes, and then you work the notes up intoletters. that's it, isn't it, jeeves?" "precisely, sir."the light of hope gleamed in rocky's eyes. he looked at jeeves in a startled way,dazed by the man's vast intellect. "but who would do it?" he said. "it would have to be a pretty smart sort ofman, a man who would notice things." "jeeves!"i said. "let jeeves do it." "but would he?""you would do it, wouldn't you, jeeves?"

for the first time in our long connection iobserved jeeves almost smile. the corner of his mouth curved quite aquarter of an inch, and for a moment his eye ceased to look like a meditativefish's. "i should be delighted to oblige, sir. as a matter of fact, i have already visitedsome of new york's places of interest on my evening out, and it would be most enjoyableto make a practice of the pursuit." "fine! i know exactly what your aunt wants to hearabout, rocky. she wants an earful of cabaret stuff.the place you ought to go to first, jeeves,

is reigelheimer's. it's on forty-second street.anybody will show you the way." jeeves shook his head."pardon me, sir. people are no longer going toreigelheimer's. the place at the moment is frolics on theroof." "you see?" i said to rocky."leave it to jeeves. he knows." it isn't often that you find an entiregroup of your fellow-humans happy in this

world; but our little circle was certainlyan example of the fact that it can be done. we were all full of beans. everything went absolutely right from thestart. jeeves was happy, partly because he lovesto exercise his giant brain, and partly because he was having a corking time amongthe bright lights. i saw him one night at the midnight revels. he was sitting at a table on the edge ofthe dancing floor, doing himself remarkably well with a fat cigar and a bottle of thebest. i'd never imagined he could look so nearlyhuman.

his face wore an expression of austerebenevolence, and he was making notes in a small book. as for the rest of us, i was feeling prettygood, because i was fond of old rocky and glad to be able to do him a good turn. rocky was perfectly contented, because hewas still able to sit on fences in his pyjamas and watch worms.and, as for the aunt, she seemed tickled to death. she was getting broadway at pretty longrange, but it seemed to be hitting her just right.i read one of her letters to rocky, and it

was full of life. but then rocky's letters, based on jeeves'snotes, were enough to buck anybody up. it was rummy when you came to think of it. there was i, loving the life, while themere mention of it gave rocky a tired feeling; yet here is a letter i wrote to apal of mine in london: "dear freddie,--well, here i am in newyork. it's not a bad place.i'm not having a bad time. everything's pretty all right. the cabarets aren't bad.don't know when i shall be back.

how's everybody?cheer-o!--yours, "bertie. "ps.--seen old ted lately?"not that i cared about ted; but if i hadn't dragged him in i couldn't have got theconfounded thing on to the second page. now here's old rocky on exactly the samesubject: "dearest aunt isabel,--how can i ever thankyou enough for giving me the opportunity to live in this astounding city! new york seems more wonderful every day."fifth avenue is at its best, of course, just now.the dresses are magnificent!"

wads of stuff about the dresses. i didn't know jeeves was such an authority."i was out with some of the crowd at the midnight revels the other night. we took in a show first, after a littledinner at a new place on forty-third street.we were quite a gay party. georgie cohan looked in about midnight andgot off a good one about willie collier. fred stone could only stay a minute, butdoug. fairbanks did all sorts of stunts and madeus roar. diamond jim brady was there, as usual, andlaurette taylor showed up with a party.

the show at the revels is quite good. i am enclosing a programme."last night a few of us went round to frolics on the roof----"and so on and so forth, yards of it. i suppose it's the artistic temperament orsomething. what i mean is, it's easier for a chappiewho's used to writing poems and that sort of tosh to put a bit of a punch into aletter than it is for a chappie like me. anyway, there's no doubt that rocky'scorrespondence was hot stuff. i called jeeves in and congratulated him."jeeves, you're a wonder!" "thank you, sir."

"how you notice everything at these placesbeats me. i couldn't tell you a thing about them,except that i've had a good time." "it's just a knack, sir." "well, mr. todd's letters ought to bracemiss rockmetteller all right, what?" "undoubtedly, sir," agreed jeeves.and, by jove, they did! they certainly did, by george! what i mean to say is, i was sitting in theapartment one afternoon, about a month after the thing had started, smoking acigarette and resting the old bean, when the door opened and the voice of jeevesburst the silence like a bomb.

it wasn't that he spoke loud. he has one of those soft, soothing voicesthat slide through the atmosphere like the note of a far-off sheep.it was what he said made me leap like a young gazelle. "miss rockmetteller!"and in came a large, solid female. the situation floored me.i'm not denying it. hamlet must have felt much as i did whenhis father's ghost bobbed up in the fairway. i'd come to look on rocky's aunt as such apermanency at her own home that it didn't

seem possible that she could really be herein new york. i stared at her. then i looked at jeeves.he was standing there in an attitude of dignified detachment, the chump, when, ifever he should have been rallying round the young master, it was now. rocky's aunt looked less like an invalidthan any one i've ever seen, except my aunt agatha.she had a good deal of aunt agatha about her, as a matter of fact. she looked as if she might be deucedlydangerous if put upon; and something seemed

to tell me that she would certainly regardherself as put upon if she ever found out the game which poor old rocky had beenpulling on her. "good afternoon," i managed to say."how do you do?" she said. "mr. cohan?" "er--no.""mr. fred stone?" "not absolutely.as a matter of fact, my name's wooster-- bertie wooster." she seemed disappointed.the fine old name of wooster appeared to mean nothing in her life."isn't rockmetteller home?" she said.

"where is he?" she had me with the first shot.i couldn't think of anything to say. i couldn't tell her that rocky was down inthe country, watching worms. there was the faintest flutter of sound inthe background. it was the respectful cough with whichjeeves announces that he is about to speak without having been spoken to. "if you remember, sir, mr. todd went out inthe automobile with a party in the afternoon.""so he did, jeeves; so he did," i said, looking at my watch.

"did he say when he would be back?""he gave me to understand, sir, that he would be somewhat late in returning."he vanished; and the aunt took the chair which i'd forgotten to offer her. she looked at me in rather a rummy way.it was a nasty look. it made me feel as if i were something thedog had brought in and intended to bury later on, when he had time. my own aunt agatha, back in england, haslooked at me in exactly the same way many a time, and it never fails to make my spinecurl. "you seem very much at home here, youngman.

are you a great friend of rockmetteller's?""oh, yes, rather!" she frowned as if she had expected betterthings of old rocky. "well, you need to be," she said, "the wayyou treat his flat as your own!" i give you my word, this quite unforeseenslam simply robbed me of the power of speech. i'd been looking on myself in the light ofthe dashing host, and suddenly to be treated as an intruder jarred me. it wasn't, mark you, as if she had spokenin a way to suggest that she considered my presence in the place as an ordinary socialcall.

she obviously looked on me as a crossbetween a burglar and the plumber's man come to fix the leak in the bathroom.it hurt her--my being there. at this juncture, with the conversationshowing every sign of being about to die in awful agonies, an idea came to me.tea--the good old stand-by. "would you care for a cup of tea?" i said."tea?" she spoke as if she had never heard of thestuff. "nothing like a cup after a journey," isaid. "bucks you up!puts a bit of zip into you.

what i mean is, restores you, and so on,don't you know. i'll go and tell jeeves."i tottered down the passage to jeeves's lair. the man was reading the evening paper as ifhe hadn't a care in the world. "jeeves," i said, "we want some tea.""very good, sir." "i say, jeeves, this is a bit thick, what?" i wanted sympathy, don't you know--sympathyand kindness. the old nerve centres had had the deuce ofa shock. "she's got the idea this place belongs tomr. todd.

what on earth put that into her head?"jeeves filled the kettle with a restrained dignity. "no doubt because of mr. todd's letters,sir," he said. "it was my suggestion, sir, if youremember, that they should be addressed from this apartment in order that mr. toddshould appear to possess a good central residence in the city." i remembered.we had thought it a brainy scheme at the time."well, it's bally awkward, you know, jeeves.

she looks on me as an intruder.by jove! i suppose she thinks i'm someone who hangsabout here, touching mr. todd for free meals and borrowing his shirts." "yes, sir.""it's pretty rotten, you know." "most disturbing, sir.""and there's another thing: what are we to do about mr. todd? we've got to get him up here as soon asever we can. when you have brought the tea you hadbetter go out and send him a telegram, telling him to come up by the next train."

"i have already done so, sir.i took the liberty of writing the message and dispatching it by the lift attendant.""by jove, you think of everything, jeeves!" "thank you, sir. a little buttered toast with the tea?just so, sir. thank you."i went back to the sitting-room. she hadn't moved an inch. she was still bolt upright on the edge ofher chair, gripping her umbrella like a hammer-thrower.she gave me another of those looks as i came in.

there was no doubt about it; for somereason she had taken a dislike to me. i suppose because i wasn't george m. cohan.it was a bit hard on a chap. "this is a surprise, what?" i said, after about five minutes' restfulsilence, trying to crank the conversation up again."what is a surprise?" "your coming here, don't you know, and soon." she raised her eyebrows and drank me in abit more through her glasses. "why is it surprising that i should visitmy only nephew?" she said. put like that, of course, it did seemreasonable.

"oh, rather," i said. "of course!certainly. what i mean is----"jeeves projected himself into the room with the tea. i was jolly glad to see him.there's nothing like having a bit of business arranged for one when one isn'tcertain of one's lines. with the teapot to fool about with i felthappier. "tea, tea, tea--what?what?" i said.

it wasn't what i had meant to say.my idea had been to be a good deal more formal, and so on.still, it covered the situation. i poured her out a cup. she sipped it and put the cup down with ashudder. "do you mean to say, young man," she saidfrostily, "that you expect me to drink this stuff?" "rather!bucks you up, you know." "what do you mean by the expression 'bucksyou up'?" "well, makes you full of beans, you know.

makes you fizz.""i don't understand a word you say. you're english, aren't you?"i admitted it. she didn't say a word. and somehow she did it in a way that madeit worse than if she had spoken for hours. somehow it was brought home to me that shedidn't like englishmen, and that if she had had to meet an englishman, i was the oneshe'd have chosen last. conversation languished again after that. then i tried again.i was becoming more convinced every moment that you can't make a real lively salonwith a couple of people, especially if one

of them lets it go a word at a time. "are you comfortable at your hotel?"i said. "at which hotel?""the hotel you're staying at." "i am not staying at an hotel." "stopping with friends--what?""i am naturally stopping with my nephew." i didn't get it for the moment; then it hitme. "what! here?"i gurgled. "certainly!where else should i go?"

the full horror of the situation rolledover me like a wave. i couldn't see what on earth i was to do. i couldn't explain that this wasn't rocky'sflat without giving the poor old chap away hopelessly, because she would then ask mewhere he did live, and then he would be right in the soup. i was trying to induce the old bean torecover from the shock and produce some results when she spoke again."will you kindly tell my nephew's man- servant to prepare my room? i wish to lie down.""your nephew's man-servant?"

"the man you call jeeves. if rockmetteller has gone for an automobileride, there is no need for you to wait for him.he will naturally wish to be alone with me when he returns." i found myself tottering out of the room.the thing was too much for me. i crept into jeeves's den."jeeves!" i whispered. "sir?""mix me a b.-and-s., jeeves. i feel weak.""very good, sir."

"this is getting thicker every minute,jeeves." "sir?""she thinks you're mr. todd's man. she thinks the whole place is his, andeverything in it. i don't see what you're to do, except stayon and keep it up. we can't say anything or she'll get on tothe whole thing, and i don't want to let mr. todd down.by the way, jeeves, she wants you to prepare her bed." he looked wounded."it is hardly my place, sir----" "i know--i know.but do it as a personal favour to me.

if you come to that, it's hardly my placeto be flung out of the flat like this and have to go to an hotel, what?""is it your intention to go to an hotel, sir? what will you do for clothes?""good lord! i hadn't thought of that. can you put a few things in a bag when sheisn't looking, and sneak them down to me at the st. aurea?""i will endeavour to do so, sir." "well, i don't think there's anything more,is there? tell mr. todd where i am when he getshere."

i looked round the place.the moment of parting had come. i felt sad. the whole thing reminded me of one of thosemelodramas where they drive chappies out of the old homestead into the snow."good-bye, jeeves," i said. "good-bye, sir." and i staggered out.you know, i rather think i agree with those poet-and-philosopher johnnies who insistthat a fellow ought to be devilish pleased if he has a bit of trouble. all that stuff about being refined bysuffering, you know.

suffering does give a chap a sort ofbroader and more sympathetic outlook. it helps you to understand other people'smisfortunes if you've been through the same thing yourself. as i stood in my lonely bedroom at thehotel, trying to tie my white tie myself, it struck me for the first time that theremust be whole squads of chappies in the world who had to get along without a man tolook after them. i'd always thought of jeeves as a kind ofnatural phenomenon; but, by jove! of course, when you come to think of it, theremust be quite a lot of fellows who have to press their own clothes themselves and

haven't got anybody to bring them tea inthe morning, and so on. it was rather a solemn thought, don't youknow. i mean to say, ever since then i've beenable to appreciate the frightful privations the poor have to stick.i got dressed somehow. jeeves hadn't forgotten a thing in hispacking. everything was there, down to the finalstud. i'm not sure this didn't make me feelworse. it kind of deepened the pathos.it was like what somebody or other wrote about the touch of a vanished hand.

i had a bit of dinner somewhere and went toa show of some kind; but nothing seemed to make any difference.i simply hadn't the heart to go on to supper anywhere. i just sucked down a whisky-and-soda in thehotel smoking-room and went straight up to bed.i don't know when i've felt so rotten. somehow i found myself moving about theroom softly, as if there had been a death in the family. if i had anybody to talk to i should havetalked in a whisper; in fact, when the telephone-bell rang i answered in such asad, hushed voice that the fellow at the

other end of the wire said "halloa!" fivetimes, thinking he hadn't got me. it was rocky.the poor old scout was deeply agitated. "bertie! is that you, bertie!oh, gosh? i'm having a time!""where are you speaking from?" "the midnight revels. we've been here an hour, and i think we'rea fixture for the night. i've told aunt isabel i've gone out to callup a friend to join us. she's glued to a chair, with this-is-the-life written all over her, taking it in

through the pores.she loves it, and i'm nearly crazy." "tell me all, old top," i said. "a little more of this," he said, "and ishall sneak quietly off to the river and end it all.do you mean to say you go through this sort of thing every night, bertie, and enjoy it? it's simply infernal!i was just snatching a wink of sleep behind the bill of fare just now when about amillion yelling girls swooped down, with toy balloons. there are two orchestras here, each tryingto see if it can't play louder than the

other.i'm a mental and physical wreck. when your telegram arrived i was just lyingdown for a quiet pipe, with a sense of absolute peace stealing over me.i had to get dressed and sprint two miles to catch the train. it nearly gave me heart-failure; and on topof that i almost got brain fever inventing lies to tell aunt isabel.and then i had to cram myself into these confounded evening clothes of yours." i gave a sharp wail of agony.it hadn't struck me till then that rocky was depending on my wardrobe to see himthrough.

"you'll ruin them!" "i hope so," said rocky, in the mostunpleasant way. his troubles seemed to have had the worsteffect on his character. "i should like to get back at them somehow;they've given me a bad enough time. they're about three sizes too small, andsomething's apt to give at any moment. i wish to goodness it would, and give me achance to breathe. i haven't breathed since half-past seven. thank heaven, jeeves managed to get out andbuy me a collar that fitted, or i should be a strangled corpse by now!it was touch and go till the stud broke.

bertie, this is pure hades! aunt isabel keeps on urging me to dance.how on earth can i dance when i don't know a soul to dance with?and how the deuce could i, even if i knew every girl in the place? it's taking big chances even to move inthese trousers. i had to tell her i've hurt my ankle. she keeps asking me when cohan and stoneare going to turn up; and it's simply a question of time before she discovers thatstone is sitting two tables away. something's got to be done, bertie!

you've got to think up some way of gettingme out of this mess. it was you who got me into it.""me! what do you mean?" "well, jeeves, then.it's all the same. it was you who suggested leaving it tojeeves. it was those letters i wrote from his notesthat did the mischief. i made them too good!my aunt's just been telling me about it. she says she had resigned herself to endingher life where she was, and then my letters began to arrive, describing the joys of newyork; and they stimulated her to such an

extent that she pulled herself together andmade the trip. she seems to think she's had somemiraculous kind of faith cure. i tell you i can't stand it, bertie! it's got to end!""can't jeeves think of anything?" "no.he just hangs round saying: 'most disturbing, sir!' a fat lot of help that is!""well, old lad," i said, "after all, it's far worse for me than it is for you.you've got a comfortable home and jeeves. and you're saving a lot of money."

"saving money?what do you mean--saving money?" "why, the allowance your aunt was givingyou. i suppose she's paying all the expensesnow, isn't she?" "certainly she is; but she's stopped theallowance. she wrote the lawyers to-night. she says that, now she's in new york, thereis no necessity for it to go on, as we shall always be together, and it's simplerfor her to look after that end of it. i tell you, bertie, i've examined thedarned cloud with a microscope, and if it's got a silver lining it's some littledissembler!"

"but, rocky, old top, it's too bally awful! you've no notion of what i'm going throughin this beastly hotel, without jeeves. i must get back to the flat.""don't come near the flat." "but it's my own flat." "i can't help that.aunt isabel doesn't like you. she asked me what you did for a living. and when i told her you didn't do anythingshe said she thought as much, and that you were a typical specimen of a useless anddecaying aristocracy. so if you think you have made a hit, forgetit.

now i must be going back, or she'll becoming out here after me. good-bye." next morning jeeves came round.it was all so home-like when he floated noiselessly into the room that i nearlybroke down. "good morning, sir," he said. "i have brought a few more of your personalbelongings." he began to unstrap the suit-case he wascarrying. "did you have any trouble sneaking themaway?" "it was not easy, sir.i had to watch my chance.

miss rockmetteller is a remarkably alertlady." "you know, jeeves, say what you like--thisis a bit thick, isn't it?" "the situation is certainly one that hasnever before come under my notice, sir. i have brought the heather-mixture suit, asthe climatic conditions are congenial. to-morrow, if not prevented, i willendeavour to add the brown lounge with the faint green twill.""it can't go on--this sort of thing-- jeeves." "we must hope for the best, sir.""can't you think of anything to do?" "i have been giving the matter considerablethought, sir, but so far without success.

i am placing three silk shirts--the dove-coloured, the light blue, and the mauve--in the first long drawer, sir.""you don't mean to say you can't think of anything, jeeves?" "for the moment, sir, no.you will find a dozen handkerchiefs and the tan socks in the upper drawer on the left."he strapped the suit-case and put it on a chair. "a curious lady, miss rockmetteller, sir.""you understate it, jeeves." he gazed meditatively out of the window. "in many ways, sir, miss rockmettellerreminds me of an aunt of mine who resides

in the south-east portion of london.their temperaments are much alike. my aunt has the same taste for thepleasures of the great city. it is a passion with her to ride in hansomcabs, sir. whenever the family take their eyes off hershe escapes from the house and spends the day riding about in cabs. on several occasions she has broken intothe children's savings bank to secure the means to enable her to gratify thisdesire." "i love to have these little chats with youabout your female relatives, jeeves," i said coldly, for i felt that the man hadlet me down, and i was fed up with him.

"but i don't see what all this has got todo with my trouble." "i beg your pardon, sir. i am leaving a small assortment of necktieson the mantelpiece, sir, for you to select according to your preference.i should recommend the blue with the red domino pattern, sir." then he streamed imperceptibly toward thedoor and flowed silently out. i've often heard that chappies, after somegreat shock or loss, have a habit, after they've been on the floor for a whilewondering what hit them, of picking themselves up and piecing themselves

together, and sort of taking a whirl atbeginning a new life. time, the great healer, and nature,adjusting itself, and so on and so forth. there's a lot in it. i know, because in my own case, after a dayor two of what you might call prostration, i began to recover. the frightful loss of jeeves made anythought of pleasure more or less a mockery, but at least i found that i was able tohave a dash at enjoying life again. what i mean is, i braced up to the extentof going round the cabarets once more, so as to try to forget, if only for themoment.

new york's a small place when it comes tothe part of it that wakes up just as the rest is going to bed, and it wasn't longbefore my tracks began to cross old rocky's. i saw him once at peale's, and again atfrolics on the roof. there wasn't anybody with him either timeexcept the aunt, and, though he was trying to look as if he had struck the ideal life,it wasn't difficult for me, knowing the circumstances, to see that beneath the maskthe poor chap was suffering. my heart bled for the fellow.at least, what there was of it that wasn't bleeding for myself bled for him.

he had the air of one who was about tocrack under the strain. it seemed to me that the aunt was lookingslightly upset also. i took it that she was beginning to wonderwhen the celebrities were going to surge round, and what had suddenly become of allthose wild, careless spirits rocky used to mix with in his letters. i didn't blame her. i had only read a couple of his letters,but they certainly gave the impression that poor old rocky was by way of being the hubof new york night life, and that, if by any chance he failed to show up at a cabaret,

the management said: "what's the use?" andput up the shutters. the next two nights i didn't come acrossthem, but the night after that i was sitting by myself at the maison pierre whensomebody tapped me on the shoulder-blade, and i found rocky standing beside me, with a sort of mixed expression of wistfulnessand apoplexy on his face. how the chappie had contrived to wear myevening clothes so many times without disaster was a mystery to me. he confided later that early in theproceedings he had slit the waistcoat up the back and that that had helped a bit.

for a moment i had the idea that he hadmanaged to get away from his aunt for the evening; but, looking past him, i saw thatshe was in again. she was at a table over by the wall,looking at me as if i were something the management ought to be complained to about. "bertie, old scout," said rocky, in aquiet, sort of crushed voice, "we've always been pals, haven't we?i mean, you know i'd do you a good turn if you asked me?" "my dear old lad," i said.the man had moved me. "then, for heaven's sake, come over and sitat our table for the rest of the evening."

well, you know, there are limits to thesacred claims of friendship. "my dear chap," i said, "you know i'd doanything in reason; but----" "you must come, bertie. you've got to.something's got to be done to divert her mind.she's brooding about something. she's been like that for the last two days. i think she's beginning to suspect.she can't understand why we never seem to meet anyone i know at these joints.a few nights ago i happened to run into two newspaper men i used to know fairly well.

that kept me going for a while.i introduced them to aunt isabel as david belasco and jim corbett, and it went well.but the effect has worn off now, and she's beginning to wonder again. something's got to be done, or she willfind out everything, and if she does i'd take a nickel for my chance of getting acent from her later on. so, for the love of mike, come across toour table and help things along." i went along.one has to rally round a pal in distress. aunt isabel was sitting bolt upright, asusual. it certainly did seem as if she had lost abit of the zest with which she had started

out to explore broadway. she looked as if she had been thinking agood deal about rather unpleasant things. "you've met bertie wooster, aunt isabel?"said rocky. "i have." there was something in her eye that seemedto say: "out of a city of six million people, whydid you pick on me?" "take a seat, bertie. what'll you have?" said rocky.and so the merry party began. it was one of those jolly, happy, bread-crumbling parties where you cough twice

before you speak, and then decide not tosay it after all. after we had had an hour of this wilddissipation, aunt isabel said she wanted to go home.in the light of what rocky had been telling me, this struck me as sinister. i had gathered that at the beginning of hervisit she had had to be dragged home with ropes.it must have hit rocky the same way, for he gave me a pleading look. "you'll come along, won't you, bertie, andhave a drink at the flat?" i had a feeling that this wasn't in thecontract, but there wasn't anything to be

done. it seemed brutal to leave the poor chapalone with the woman, so i went along. right from the start, from the moment westepped into the taxi, the feeling began to grow that something was about to breakloose. a massive silence prevailed in the cornerwhere the aunt sat, and, though rocky, balancing himself on the little seat infront, did his best to supply dialogue, we weren't a chatty party. i had a glimpse of jeeves as we went intothe flat, sitting in his lair, and i wished i could have called to him to rally round.something told me that i was about to need

him. the stuff was on the table in the sitting-room. rocky took up the decanter."say when, bertie." "stop!" barked the aunt, and he dropped it. i caught rocky's eye as he stooped to pickup the ruins. it was the eye of one who sees it coming."leave it there, rockmetteller!" said aunt isabel; and rocky left it there. "the time has come to speak," she said."i cannot stand idly by and see a young man going to perdition!"

poor old rocky gave a sort of gurgle, akind of sound rather like the whisky had made running out of the decanter on to mycarpet. "eh?" he said, blinking. the aunt proceeded."the fault," she said, "was mine. i had not then seen the light.but now my eyes are open. i see the hideous mistake i have made. i shudder at the thought of the wrong i didyou, rockmetteller, by urging you into contact with this wicked city."i saw rocky grope feebly for the table. his fingers touched it, and a look ofrelief came into the poor chappie's face.

i understood his feelings. "but when i wrote you that letter,rockmetteller, instructing you to go to the city and live its life, i had not had theprivilege of hearing mr. mundy speak on the subject of new york." "jimmy mundy!"i cried. you know how it is sometimes wheneverything seems all mixed up and you suddenly get a clue. when she mentioned jimmy mundy i began tounderstand more or less what had happened. i'd seen it happen before.

i remember, back in england, the man i hadbefore jeeves sneaked off to a meeting on his evening out and came back and denouncedme in front of a crowd of chappies i was giving a bit of supper to as a moral leper. the aunt gave me a withering up and down."yes; jimmy mundy!" she said. "i am surprised at a man of your stamphaving heard of him. there is no music, there are no drunken,dancing men, no shameless, flaunting women at his meetings; so for you they would haveno attraction. but for others, less dead in sin, he hashis message. he has come to save new york from itself;to force it--in his picturesque phrase--to

hit the trail. it was three days ago, rockmetteller, thati first heard him. it was an accident that took me to hismeeting. how often in this life a mere accident mayshape our whole future! "you had been called away by that telephonemessage from mr. belasco; so you could not take me to the hippodrome, as we hadarranged. i asked your manservant, jeeves, to take methere. the man has very little intelligence.he seems to have misunderstood me. i am thankful that he did.

he took me to what i subsequently learnedwas madison square garden, where mr. mundy is holding his meetings.he escorted me to a seat and then left me. and it was not till the meeting had begunthat i discovered the mistake which had been made.my seat was in the middle of a row. i could not leave without inconveniencing agreat many people, so i remained." she gulped."rockmetteller, i have never been so thankful for anything else. mr. mundy was wonderful!he was like some prophet of old, scourging the sins of the people.

he leaped about in a frenzy of inspirationtill i feared he would do himself an injury. sometimes he expressed himself in asomewhat odd manner, but every word carried conviction.he showed me new york in its true colours. he showed me the vanity and wickedness ofsitting in gilded haunts of vice, eating lobster when decent people should be inbed. "he said that the tango and the fox-trotwere devices of the devil to drag people down into the bottomless pit. he said that there was more sin in tenminutes with a negro banjo orchestra than

in all the ancient revels of nineveh andbabylon. and when he stood on one leg and pointedright at where i was sitting and shouted, 'this means you!'i could have sunk through the floor. i came away a changed woman. surely you must have noticed the change inme, rockmetteller? you must have seen that i was no longer thecareless, thoughtless person who had urged you to dance in those places ofwickedness?" rocky was holding on to the table as if itwas his only friend. "y-yes," he stammered; "i--i thoughtsomething was wrong."

"wrong? something was right!everything was right! rockmetteller, it is not too late for youto be saved. you have only sipped of the evil cup. you have not drained it.it will be hard at first, but you will find that you can do it if you fight with astout heart against the glamour and fascination of this dreadful city. won't you, for my sake, try, rockmetteller?won't you go back to the country to-morrow and begin the struggle?little by little, if you use your will----"

i can't help thinking it must have beenthat word "will" that roused dear old rocky like a trumpet call. it must have brought home to him therealisation that a miracle had come off and saved him from being cut out of auntisabel's. at any rate, as she said it he perked up,let go of the table, and faced her with gleaming eyes."do you want me to go back to the country, aunt isabel?" "yes.""not to live in the country?" "yes, rockmetteller.""stay in the country all the time, do you

mean? never come to new york?""yes, rockmetteller; i mean just that. it is the only way.only there can you be safe from temptation. will you do it, rockmetteller? will you--for my sake?"rocky grabbed the table again. he seemed to draw a lot of encouragementfrom that table. "i will!" he said. "jeeves," i said.it was next day, and i was back in the old flat, lying in the old arm-chair, with myfeet upon the good old table.

i had just come from seeing dear old rockyoff to his country cottage, and an hour before he had seen his aunt off to whateverhamlet it was that she was the curse of; so we were alone at last. "jeeves, there's no place like home--what?""very true, sir." "the jolly old roof-tree, and all that sortof thing--what?" "precisely, sir." i lit another cigarette."jeeves." "sir?""do you know, at one point in the business i really thought you were baffled."

"indeed, sir?""when did you get the idea of taking miss rockmetteller to the meeting?it was pure genius!" it came to me a little suddenly, onemorning when i was thinking of my aunt, sir.""your aunt? the hansom cab one?" "yes, sir.i recollected that, whenever we observed one of her attacks coming on, we used tosend for the clergyman of the parish. we always found that if he talked to her awhile of higher things it diverted her mind from hansom cabs.

it occurred to me that the same treatmentmight prove efficacious in the case of miss rockmetteller."i was stunned by the man's resource. "it's brain," i said; "pure brain! what do you do to get like that, jeeves?i believe you must eat a lot of fish, or something.do you eat a lot of fish, jeeves?" "no, sir." "oh, well, then, it's just a gift, i takeit; and if you aren't born that way there's no use worrying.""precisely, sir," said jeeves. "if i might make the suggestion, sir, ishould not continue to wear your present

tie.the green shade gives you a slightly bilious air. i should strongly advocate the blue withthe red domino pattern instead, sir." "all right, jeeves."i said humbly. "you know!" the end

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